Love and something like that......

I don’t know why but I feel that I should let him go. I must. He doesn’t deserve me. I just have long way to go… I can’t grab him n hide into my arms. I have no right to hold him tight when he will have wonderful life without me. I am feeling some kind of pain within me. Love is out of my capacity. It seems sweet and adorable beforehand but later turns out to be the bone stuck in the neck; u can neither swallow nor throw it out. Why should I? Everybody needs love. No, matter how loud you yell, how tough you seem to be but deep inside the core of your heart you dream of someone close to your heart. The one who makes you feel special, like you are the only girl in the world. The one who loves you the most, who trusts you, holds your hand tight whether it’s beautiful mustard farms or the tough path of life full of problems. I am really confused now. One says stay away while other pleads to hold his hand. But seriously speaking, falling in love is bliss as well as making one’s life more miserable. Sticking with the cell-phone either to send messages or receive calls, fighting over no reason, thinking only about the person, and dreaming the sweet future with him, dedicating songs, writing poems filled with love, feeling shy to face him n smiling for no reason, ha-ha. Speaking at the midnight under the quilt so that no one would hear. With the advent of someone, your life takes a U-turn. The love, affection given by that person becomes so precious. The missing part of you gets completed and you feel as if you are the luckiest person in the world to find your soul mate, the one with whom you need not hide anything, you are just yourself. All these sound quite silly but this adds some different flavor in one’s life. Everything is like a movie or a fairy tale and you are a character. It is a fantasy. On the other hand, it’s a headache. ‘Why was your phone busy? Why do you need me anymore? Don’t you miss me? Why should I be always first to remember? Don’t you trust me? Why didn’t you replied my message or received my call? You will be showered by the questions as if you are attending an interview. If somebody else has a crush on you then that is a sure weapon to be used to blackmail you emotionally. ‘Why would you remember me when you have so many dear ones?’ C’mon, it’s your life and you can do whatever you like. Is it necessary to seek permission or inform as a culprit does to a police? Of course, not. And in the case of boys, they are really experts in this case. They could easily melt the heart of any tough-soft hearted girl. Even if the girl has no feeling for him at first, he acts like a brave warrior constantly fighting without thinking the consequence. You can easily predict what happens to a huge and hard rock when hit continuously? Its sure to be broken, consequently, girl’s heart does melt and she starts to be lured by his sweet words. In course of time, the boy starts showing attitude. There is a sudden change in the behavior. He starts to reduce sending messages or calling her or say” I am little busy now, call me later.” Why was he never busy before and suddenly, what sort of work has over-burdened him? It might torture a girl for being avoided or given less importance. Once she used be ‘princess’ or ‘sweet-heart’ and suddenly her priority got reduced to a normal girl. I am not saying that only girls suffer, boys share similar or even worse stories. They need to invest a lot to win girl’s heart but rather than a girl if they start a small business it would be more profitable. Re-charge cards are so much spent that NTC or NCELL must be very happy with the business. Likewise, the gifts, chocolates, flowers are very common. These days girls have become very clever, they bargain with their beloved and the poor guy is compelled to follow her instructions. Not only girls, boys are also being manipulated. Nowadays, girls do bargaining even in choosing boy-friend; who can spend more on her or who is more advantageous and many other parameters. Conclusively, falling in love has both positive and negative aspects. It depends on you and your partner how much you support and understand each other. The thread of a relationship is very thin; it can easily get apart. Love can be a sweet gift as well as a big mistake.

Lil Wayne - Mirror ft. Bruno Mars

FALLING IN LOVE

Today, I am feeling like a bird!
No restrictions... no boundaries
Clear blue sky and u beside
What else I could demand!

Puffy cloud, calm sun and smooth breeze
Surge of emotions filled my heart
Holding hands and you next to me
Oh heart please beat slowly
I m nervous

Am I ready?
Your embracement, my waxed heart melts
An unknown feeling run into my veins..
You are a tranquilizer, amor
Abandoning you is to suffer more!

Just hold me tight
Hide beneath you
Let me fall in your arms
My last breath…just for you!

A tale of two souls!

"I don't know anything, the only thing I know is: I love U"
that's how it started. His cupid darted right straight to her heart and she couldn’t escape! The wound was very deep but she wasn’t feeling any pain as if she was longing for it since long.
Aastha was a simple, young, energetic girl. She loved the way she was. Her friend’s said that she was quite cheerful, never afraid to stand up against anything wrong and very friendly! She was very bold kind of girl. It was very rare to see her sad and quite.
But like many of us, she had 2 faces; the one she was showing was strong, bold and happy while the hidden one was the sad, silent and fragile part of her deep within herself. As a normal teenager, she also wished for her prince charming that would hold her, embrace her and make her feel special. The guy who would accept her the way she is; both bold as well as fragile, silent, solitaire as well as gregarious. She was so complex yet simple. But all these feeling was lying locked in one of the dark and secret corners of her heart. She had hidden it safely so that it couldn’t be opened easily.

But the fate can’t be avoided. His innocence way of expressing his love like a small kid compelled her to think about it. His continuous knock on the door of her heart weakened the lock and it broke.
Bishwas had conquered her completely. He was a complete package,
Sometimes rude, sometimes polite,
Sometimes arrogant, sometimes sweet n soft.
Sometimes giving damn, sometimes caring
Sometimes hated, sometimes loved
Sometimes annoyed, sometimes joked
Sometimes full of attitudes, sometimes gentle
Sometimes cunning, sometimes innocent
Sometimes impatient, sometimes calm
Sometimes emotional, sometimes rigid
Sometimes fragile, sometimes strong!
All these blend of small adorable characters like a kid attracted her toward him. Knowingly, unknowingly he had become a part of her. Though Aastha tried a lot not to fall for him but she failed. The ambush became soft and sweet bed of flowers for her. His smile, his voice, little things he did not only affected her, they had tranquilized her.
The strange thing about their love story is that they had never seen or met each other. Thanx to the technology!! Two different people from different place were linked through these virtual waves and now they have shared their hearts too.
The girl asked frequently the reason to love her without seeing but the guy always refused to say anything, he just said-‘I don’t have reason to love u, but I love u!’ I don’t know how he judged her but he loved him truly. He couldn’t see his sweetheart being sad or silent. He loved the way she was. He felt as if the girl taught him how to live the life and she was some sort of inspiration to him. He used to comfort her, encourage her and love her like she is the bestest thing that ever happened to him. He had surrendered his sensitive heart to her so that she would keep it safely. She used to regard him as a walnut which is hard at cover but very soft inside. They used to talk for hours, dreaming about their future, quarreling, cracking jokes, laughing, appreciating each other, supporting, advising and most of the times loving each other.
‘I realized my weakness; I just want to be with you, hug you, cry in front of u and hugged by you. I have turned into Romeo always thinking about you and I want to hold you tight and kiss you. I will never let you go away. I wanna live with you, cry and die with you!’

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The girl’s heart was melted by all these tender words of him. She had always dreamt that her life partner would possess characters of her father and just as she wished he had some of them. He was like Gu Jun Pyo of Jan Di (Boys over flowers) and Edward of Bella (twilight).
‘I have fallen for you and now I can’t stop thinking about you. I could be all that you needed if you let me try. I am in love for the first time and now I m terrified. I fear to not be with you. Just hold me close and never let me go. I am not perfect but I will try my best. You are the gift by God to me so I will do anything just to conserve u. Nothing will ever come between us coz I will be standing right next to you. I had never thought it would be so deep and beautiful but now it’s already better than that. I can’t imagine being away from you! So just hide me within yourself. I am very delicate so handle my heart with care!’

They both had some problems like they both have attitude problem. They can’t say sorry to each other so easily and don’t accept their mistakes. They had some superiority complex! The girl couldn’t express everything while the guy over-expresses himself. He was little demanding and too impatient sometimes. The girl becomes too rational and reasonable sometimes. The boy wants to hide himself from the world and this makes girl insecure sometimes. She wants the guy to be what he is, in front of her not what he shows to the rest. She wants that he would also trust her fully and have faith that she may be the one he was waiting for. And the guy also wants that she would always be polite and sweet to him. She would work as a healer to all his sufferings and pains. The problem with the guy was he doubts too much. He doubted himself; He doubts that he would be the right person for her or not, he will keep loving her or not, He will hurt her or not and many other things. He didn’t trust himself. But the girl is confident with her relation. She has faith on him and she thinks together they can create their own wonderful dreamland. The only thing she demands his support, love and respect. No matter what she is not going to leave his hands!
Everything was going perfect, their seed of love was getting good atmosphere to grow but then suddenly, one day the guy felt as if he is not the one for the girl. He thought the girl deserve more, he will not keep her happy. He started avoiding her. It wasn’t easy for him but he just wanted to prove him bad in her eyes. He was hurting himself just to make the girl get something that she deserves.He suddenly wanted to deviate and the reason was her happiness. He was a foolish. How could she be happy without him? How could she forget him or avoid him? He had become her life…her heart beat, her every breathe, her dream. She would rather face the storms holding his hand rather than leaving him alone in the storm. But he was trying so hard that the girl also took a step for him. They both were sacrificing their love for each other. Both are acting kiddish coz they are meant for each other,but they are just assuming that the other deserve mush better.

But still Aastha has little ray of hope that he would be back and realize that they are incomplete without each other.
‘Dear,I am lucky to fall in love with you..i m caught up in ur smile.I had never opened myself to anyone.I even don't wanna change u coz I loved u for what u are..But now, I am lost. I will never be the same without you.I don't know what is compelling u to be away from me coz i know that it's not easy for u too.You can't show off in front of me, dear. It's hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms.We needn’t rush and I don’t wanna mess things up.We can built the foundation on a solid stone so that winds ,hurricanes, storms can’t break our love..rains can’t flow it away.But it's possible only if we are together and I believe we can and we will.If we have confidence of success over our dreams and desires that we have trusted then we’ll achieve remarkable and unbelievable success!I just love you like never ever loved no one before and want to be loved by you forever!'
So, finally the girl have said her words and she is just waiting for the boy's decision!And the tale is in such a mode that it can turn anywhere, either to the end or a new beginning?
What do you prefer or what do you think they both deserve?



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Struggling with myself!

I don't know what to write and what to say but still i couldn't help it...
Neva thought this would happen
Neva thought i would feel it
Neva thought i would be so deep
Neva thought it would end before starting!
I neva wanted this to happen and i did..
Now i realize its all my fault!
I neva meant to!
Am i forbidden?
Is it sinful?
Can't i dream?
I m so fragile n weak..
I had to surrender!
but i m not going to be helpless..i will fight..and i will take revenge for all the pain!
I will fight wid myself! I will fight wid the thoughts! i will fight with the conceptions! i will fight wid the society! i will not let this happen wid others!
i kept quite for long but it doesn'

t mean i can't! I will not only complain now..
i will dare to change!
I will fight!!

Mitigating the impacts of invasive alien species / Articles / Agricultural Biodiversity / S&T Issues in Perspective / Dossiers / Home - Knowledge for Development

Mitigating the impacts of invasive alien species / Articles / Agricultural Biodiversity / S&T Issues in Perspective / Dossiers / Home - Knowledge for Development

And the pain continues......

I couldn’t stop my tears to roll down my cheeks. I cried and cried and asked myself-“What was my fault? Did I disappoint you or let you down?” again I thought he might be kidding as he always does and trying to fool me but ......no, he meant it. My mind was being echoed with his words and I was feeling as if someone is cutting me into pieces. Was our friendship meant to be broken in this way? “kritika, you are the one who is closest to me, even than me, myself.”- were these words a fake? Why did he do this?


Life, for me, had always been full of complexities. Since my childhood, I always had my own boundaries around me. The girl with strict and tough attitude and lots of expectations from life. I was always overloaded with the rules and responsibities being the eldest daughter in the family. I never had a life for myself. I was compelled to be matured by the circumstances and I even accepted it. I learnt to struggle with my pains and difficulties which made me very submissive as well as aggressive. Though I was quite happy, a small part of my heart always wished for a friend with whom I could be myself, with whom I would feel free to share my secrets, my pains and problems, with whom I could burst out my tears and even laugh with no fears. But I never had. So, friendship, for me was just a compulsion and truly, a waste of time. All those literary phrases regarding friendship were just rubbish, until my school days. But my opinion was compelled to alter by the entrance of few people in my life, yes! They are my friends and he was among them.

Our friendship began in very strange way, rather filmy way. We started to talk through truth or dare game and once he asked my number, I felt quite awkward. As I gave him my home number, he started blushing and spoke politely-“um...don’t you have cell phone...I need some of your notes.” and I gave him the number. He was a very shy boy.
Then, we started talking to each other. Though I found him quite different from me but thought of giving a try as I felt that he is a decent guy and chose him as one of my friends. I think, books and friends should be few but good. Gradually, I got to know him and I realized that he was among the few people who didn’t fear to speak truth about him whether it’s good or bad. He liked if someone pointed out his negative aspects which made me think that he is trust-worthy and little different. I was very happy to get a friend like him.

Though he was a bit careless but he even tried to be sincere. He was straight forward like me. He was innocent like a baby, very funny and emotional too. He was very childish, stubborn and was a huge fan of chocolates and sweets. He didn’t have confidence and feared in very small thing as well. But he wished success like a frog leaps, without any hard work. We used to talk for hours about life, struggle, aim, failures and even quarreled. He used to hide his pain within himself and try to give a big smile so that no one could see tears in his eyes. Sometimes, he used to be very hopeless with life and feared to face difficulties but I always tried to comfort him and made him realize that hardwork pays. He had that potential but he wasn’t exploring himself. I tried my best to make him responsible. Whenever he used to laugh freely, it gave me relief that my friendship could bring happiness in his life. I never wanted to interfere in his personal life but he himself used to say me everything about himself. The thing that i liked about our friendship that it was pure. I never feared that our friendship would turn into something else because we both didn’t want it. So, I felt those things which I had hidden deep inside myself, now can be expressed. I really felt too good. Being a friend, I thought it’s my responsibility to take care of him and even I tried my best. Though I couldn’t give solutions to all of his problems, doubts but I listened and tried to seek answers. Though I couldn’t change his destiny but I tried to be whenever he needed me. His successes are not mine yet I could share in his laughter and joy. His decisions are not mine to make or judge but I tried to support and encourage him. His every behaviors, his anger, laughter was very special. He liked to be praised and acted so sweetly whenever I praised him. I always cared him as a true friend but I never expected anything in return. So, I boasted for being such a friend.


I felt so bad when once he said-“ kritika, the day when our college would end , I wouldn’t be able to stop my tears because I have to depart from u .” I never wanted that day to come. Truly, I even didn’t want to imagine that day. But he eased the situation saying-“why do you think Galileo invented telephone?” which I answered with a smile –“it’s not Galileo, its Graham Bell.”...we both laughed so much.


I thought that our friendship is an example to everyone and happy with myself. I used to call him very often so that he would feel that his friend is always with him. I always said him-“you needn’t remember me in your happiness but don’t you dare to hide your pains with me.” I had always tried to understand him. I tried to make him laugh when he was about to cry. I am still sure that he would never find a friend like me. In this way our friendship was attaining heights.
But true is the saying-“too much of anything is bad” my care, wishes might have become bitter for him. He started behaving in a different way. I even tried to call him but he ignored it. when I asked him what’s matter, he instead started saying-“ I am always like this and why are you bothered about me?” I thought there might be something which is troubling him so I went to meet him but... he became so furious and said those words which still torment me-“who do you think you are? Truly, I am too much irritated by you and your so called friendship. I would be grateful if you stop calling me. So, good bye!”