It’s been almost a year since I posted anything on my blog. It doesn’t mean I didn’t have anything exciting happening in my life not worth sharing or even thought of blaming on same old ‘creative clogging’. But just in a minute of writing, I died of shame. I was making this up being conscious of what people will say or may be still trying to establish my valid reasons so that you guys won’t think less of me. But to be true, I would say there are couple of reasons.
1. Being lazy
2. Doubting myself
Yes, I was very lazy. Graduate school is quite hectic, when you have teach, take classes and do research all at the same time. Then, at the end of the day , you are so tired of running around that all you want to do is eat and sleep. After getting well adapted to the system, I still continued doing the same and eventually coming up with excuses of not having enough time or I have something else to focus on.
Then, even at times when I still gathered my some intentions to write something up, I would just be doubting my writing . I wrote couple of sentences and just stopped trying thinking I can never even finish a paragraph. I felt like my creative aspect has been dried up and not good enough to be shared. It’s show fascinating that we stop doing things we love just with the thought of ‘what would people say?’ We constantly need validation from somebody else on how good you are. Speaking of that, we live in the age of social media where everything is actually validated by all people around you rather than you yourself. Do I look good enough? Am I fit enough? Is this place instragramable ? is this angle of pose generate more likes ? Well, I have no problem with sharing your happiness, sorrows and connecting with people but many people are so dependent on it that everything needs to be answered by somebody else. I grew up somewhat like that but not using social media . I still have no idea on fashion or what to wear on what occasion type knowledge so I still have to consult my sister or mom if it looks ok or pretty. Though living far from everyone else has somewhat compelled me to make some decisions for myself but if I could, I would still ask my mom to do shopping for me.
Anyways, I don’t wanna make it long write up this time though I feel like with couple of clog clearance , I will definitely be flowing all emotions very soon. So, going back to writing I am encouraging myself to write at least once a week again . And this time I also need your support. If you ever enjoyed my writing or want to hear from me more, please let me know or even remind me if I am not doing as I say . This way I can be accountable for it and share more in the days to come.
